I've spent half my life trying to fall behind.

all of this music, and it breaks my heart.

oh also, still cant figure out this link situation, any insight would be highly appreciated. thx in advance.

I am thinking about what I would look like with long, shaggy hair.

I made a new theme, cept the links are all silly and i changed the color but theyre still black with pink highlight (wtf?! even though i set it to blue) but im really too tired and drama'd out for the day so ill try and fix it tomorrow

night.

I've never been close to my family. Outside of my immediate (mom dad, brothers, grandparents) ive never know what it was like to be excited to visit an uncle or an aunt, or even a cousin. my parents were young when they had me, really young. and when they did, they moved far away from our family orgin in california. so we were never close. my mothers brothers were all drug dealers and in and out of prison, her sisters didnt get along with her because their father always showed her preferential treatment. as for my fathers side, he was an outcast of his own right, he was the one in and out of jail. so growing up i never had family visits.

id hear my friends saying how they couldnt play after school because their cousins were in town. and then id get to hear about all the fun they had staying up together the next day. id ask my mom "how come i dont have any cousins mama?" and she would just say "our family is just different." and thats all there was to it.

so years come and go. i hear the casual mention of brothers or sisters, having nephews and neices, but they are just names never connected to faces. not even via photos.

until very recently, the only time id even see these people was during a funeral. one of my mothers brothers being shot in a drive by. one of my fathers brothers dying in a bar fight.

and then grandmothers and grandfathers passing.

even then we would be up for the day then home immediately after. something changed in july this year. we were invited to a wedding. my great uncle otto, who id never met before. i was thinking, oh boy another awkward meeting of people ill never meet again. but it was different. we stayed at my fathers brother Jay's house, with his wife Laura and their son and daughter, we were there for 4 days and i had so much fun. my cousins were both about 9 years younger than me but i still had so much fun with them. i felt like i was finally getting a taste of what family was supposed to be like, at age 23. better late than never i say!

so you can imagine my joy when i hear that jay and laura were coming to visit this holiday weekend, and bringing my cousins too! and it was wonderful the first night, hanging out playing video games with them, and cards or dice with my uncle and aunt. even most of today was amazing. we had a giant bbq and friends, family.

then the sun set, friends went home. kids went to bowling alley to play with my younger brother. so us adults sitting around talking. jay and laura go inside, and hes faily toasted, from the drinks throughout the day. he asks her for the keys so he can go to the store and she says you cant drive and wont give them to him.

so we just all respect their space and chill out on the patio while they have their lil marital spat, seemed normal enough.

this is where everything turns upside down.

15 minutes later we hear laura SCREAM from the house. "HELP!" ... "Scott please help!" (scott is my father) and then the sound of broken glass.

my father and i rush into the house and laura is lying on the floor, there is a large chunk of her hair on the floor next to her and broken glass every where.

my uncle assaulted my aunt.

i run to her and get between them, my uncle lifts me up and pins me to the wall. now im not a small person by any means but he just lifted and pinned me like a ragdoll. im 6'2 220lbs. thats no easy task. but hes much larger than I, my dad pulls him off of me and throws him out the front door locking it behind him. i help laura up. im terrified at this point and tears are streaming down my face. not because he had hurt me but because my aunt was on the floor, surrounded by broken glass, crying, portions of her hair strewn about.

I was in shock. i still am. i cant even speak to anyone because the moment i force out a sound, i start crying again. the images are swimming in my head her lying on the floor asking me to help her. my cousian Tajia in the bathroom crying while her brother tries to console her. my uncle with all that rage in his eyes.

she left him. she took the keys and left him here. my dad took him to the greyhound.

All i want is a normal family. I dont want to be scared of family.

I dont want to have to make a family of my own that wont be able to have family.

you cant choose your relatives. but i really wish you fucking could.

I want a taste of normal. and you cant say this is normal. they say "oh every family has one" but i dont have one. thats all Ive got. Im thankful for the mild immediate family i have. i really am. at least i have that.

I cry every time.

What you will need:

1 whole celery bunch (approx 7 stalks)
4 medium carrots
1 head napa cabage
5 green onions
6 large mushrooms sliced (about 2 cups)
1/2lb snow peas
1 whole chicken
2T ground ginger
2 cloves garlic
2t Chicken bouillon
6 packs of ramen noodles (4 oriental, 2 chicken)

makes approx 20 servings.

This is a great recipe to make for a large amount of people or to freeze and make several meals out of.

*edit* Ive noticed on some computers that these images are GIANT. If you click refresh on your browser it should remedy the problem and scale them down. for some reason that is completely beyond me, it seems to fix it. *

Start by boiling your chicken in about 8 quarts of water. while the chicken boils you can start preparation on your vegetables, keep them separate as you prep them beause they will be added according to cooking time.

slice celery diagonally thin slices



Then carrots cut in the same fashion



nappa cabbage chopped



diced green onion mmm one of my favorites



mushrooms, I remove the stalks, but its not necessary.



Diced garlic mmmmmmm



place the snow peas into a bowl of icewater for later use.



remove chicken, set aside. skim fat and skin from stock, add garlic, ginger, and bouillon as well as flavor packets from ramen noodles and 4 more quarts of water.



peel and chop chicken into bite sized cubes



add carrots and celery to broth first, boil for 5 minutes



then add mushrooms, cabbage, chicken, and green onion, allow to cook for an additional 5 minutes



finally remove snow peas from ice water and add in ramen noodles



cook three minutes, and serve



add soy sauce to taste and enjoy






I like this recipe a lot because it tastes like it took a long time, but it really only takes about 35 minutes, it makes a lot and you can always freeze any leftovers for later use. you can also omit the ramen noodles and use rice or egg noodles instead. Ive even made wontons and tossed those in for a tasty wor won ton soup.

I always thought this was a figure of speach until today lol and now ive got blisters on my blisters. I spent most of the day helping my dad put up a fence HARD WORK! lol but it was fun, i enjoy outdoor chores. Im not a huge fan of indoor chores :/ especially not dishes. I love cooking, but man do i hate doing dishes lol. Speaking of cooking im starting work on my next recipe blog, last one was a big production recipe with lots of prep , so this one will be an easyprep meal that serves a lot stay tuned for that! I was raised with a big family so its hard for me to reduce my recipes to feed only 1-3 people lol. SO when I cook I almost always have to invite people over or I just make too much and it goes to waste

Dasvidania

I made a video enjoy haha



the song is You and I by Anarbor

Well it seems Ive managed to resolve things between myself and an old friend. We had a semi-falling out a couple weeks ago. some silly argument over some silly thing. The entire time we havnt been talking ive been wanting to, but you know, im stubborn. really stubborn. even when i know im wrong. especially when i know im wrong lol. but we were both wrong to be honest and now im just happy that were back to normal I don't need to be losing friends, I dont have so many as it is! haha

Everything is normal at work, there has been no mention of the 3way proposal (thank goodness) and no social awkwardness. at least the workplace aspect of my life can remain normal lol.

umm. not much else. Planning on going to Pyramid Lake with my friend heather next weekend, should be fun. Definitely gonna get some nice pictures while im there

ja mata ne.

What you will need!

3-4 Large Skinless Boneless Chicken Breasts
1 Napa Cabbage
1 Bok Choy
2 Large Carrots
2c Bean Sprouts
3 Sliced Green Onions
3 Cloves Garlic (Minced)
3T Chopped Cilantro
1tsp Ground Ginger
1T Crushed Red Peppers
1/4c Vegetable Oil
1/4c Sesame Seed Oil
1/4c Soy Sauce
2 packs eggroll wrappers

Makes Approx 40 eggrolls.

To begin start with a large bowl filled about 1/4 full with cold water to keep your veggies from wilting as you prepare them.

I started with the bok choy.


And then the same with my Napa Cabbage


chopped up the green onion


Shred up some carrots!


oils, ground ginger, crushed red peppers and diced garlic ready to roll


Into the skillet they go, very low heat.


Add veggies and 1/4 cup soy sauce!


cook on medium heat for about 15 minutes or until tender, add cilantro remove from heat.


Place chicken in skillet, add 1c of the juices from the veggies


Cook until done, allow sauce to reduce


It's about this time that I realize I forgot the bean sprouts -_-... IN THEY GO!


Allow chicken to cool, dice and mix in with veggies


all ready to go!


Place filling diagonally in the wrapper...


Tuck bottom flap under filling...


moisten side flaps with water and fold over...


moisten top flap and roll over


repeat!



Some people prefer to deep fry but I like to pan fry them, you can control the heat more this way, cook about 1 minute on each side until they are crispy and golden brown Some people like to add a tsp of nutmeg to the oil before frying, but I'm not a fan of that do what you like though, thats the best part of cooking!



you can also make a yummy dipping sauce for them by mixing equal parts rice wine vinegar and soy sauce with some minced garlic and crushed red peppers.